Are we in a gay sports bar?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
