please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
