Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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