I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
