$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
