Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
