You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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