So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
