you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
