i don't like sucking hair
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
