The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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