hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
