loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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