I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
