totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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