On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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