I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
