I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
accomplished twins. life is a go
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
