I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
