This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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