I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
