I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
