Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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