you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
