Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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