omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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