Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
