It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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