Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
