you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
