Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
