I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
