i was born a porn star she said
That's when you crack a 10am beer
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
