I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
