I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
