Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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