Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize