the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
