glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
