can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
