I want to stick my p in your. b.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
