I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
