I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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