I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
