If that was your dad, he is hot
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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