this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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