are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
