You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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