I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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