There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
