why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just want to make out with him forever
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
