thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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