I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
