So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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