we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
