I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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